So what is a Somatic Sexologist exactly?

When I tell people I’m a somatic sexologist, they often look blank. Melody Wright’s article, linked below, does not discuss sex but it does describe elegantly the somatic practitioner’s understanding of how stress is stored in the body and how we work with people to support its release. It may help you to understand more about what I offer.

Many problems within our sexual life are due to trauma or distress from past experiences being triggered by what’s happening now. The events that may leave trauma in our body can range from the seemingly small to the clearly challenging. The body, and especially the sensitive tissues of the genitals, can close down or numb out after eg. a sexual encounter that went wrong leaving us feeling ashamed or inadequate, an uncomfortable experience of penetration that we suffered through rather than telling our partner to stop or maybe simply teasing or unwanted attention about our body shape or experiences of puberty. Events such as these can all cause tension and distress that is held in the bodies tissues as well as the more obviously traumatic experiences of non-consensual, inappropriate or unwanted sexual touch at any age. 

Somatic practitioners understand that these are responses that you can’t think your way out of. What we can help you to do is to re-train your body using practices that support you to deactivate the sympathetic response of stress in your nervous system and activate the parasympathetic, rest, digest and repair mechanism. 

A somatic sexologist can support you to understand how this stress plays out in your body during or around sexual experiences and to develop confidence in your ability to regulate this. We can help you to reverse these stored responses, heal past wounding and as Melody says, to ‘create a more embodied, joyful life’.

If any of this rings a chord with you and you’d like to find out more about how we might work together please pop an email to consult@lauradoe.com and tee up a confidential, no obligation chat. Location is no issue as I work via Skype with people all over the world.

Melody Wright's article - Stress - It's not in your head, it's in your nervous system

Wanna know what’s getting me all excited these days?

The Obturator Internus

Why? It’s a very sexy muscle! The obturator internus is intimately connected with the fascia of the pelvic floor but is rarely discussed in relation to pleasure, or lack of it. Getting connected with your ‘ob in’ can help in resolving a variety of challenges in the base of the body, involving both urinary function and the ability to feel the sensations of pleasure and arousal.

 The Obturator Internus looking at the body from the back

The obturator internus is one of the ‘deep six’, six muscles in your pelvis that work together to turn your hip to the side. It hangs out under your gluteus maximus, the large muscle of your butt. It’s actually quite small but it’s pretty cool and unusual, not least because it’s shaped like a boomerang. On each side of the body it attaches along the inside of your pelvis (check out the diagram), then pops around to the outside and takes almost a 90 degree turn to wrap around the sits bone and attach at the top of your thigh bone. It’s an external rotator. When a ballet dancer’s feet, knees and thighs are all turned out into first position, the obturator internus is at the heart of the action. When your ‘ob in’ engages it opens the front half of your pelvis and closes the back. It’s friend, the obturator externus, is an internal rotator and does the opposite job.

But if your obturator internus holds a ton of unconscious tension this can play a big part in both urinary problems and problems with arousal, potentially cutting off nerve supply to the plethora of pleasure organs of the pelvic floor. (If you feel like plethora is a bit of an over statement then I highly recommend that you watch my DVD The Art & Science of Female Arousal)

The really good news is that we can learn to make a deep and meaningful connection with the good old ‘ob in’ and soothe and stretch it, open and relax it or tone and titillate it as required. And once it’s feeling good, then honey, you are feeling good!

Connecting with and stretching the ‘ob in’

It’s not so easy to get in touch with this muscle by understanding where it sits in the body because of it’s positioning and it’s unusual shape. For most people the joy is in finding it and feeling the difference when you connect, stretch & tone. In this video Christa Rypins, does an excellent job of showing us how to do just that. Check it out and have a go!

Add tone but not tension

In my yOnilates® classes, once we have connected with and stretched the ‘ob in’ we also do some strengthening exercises. Please stay aware that this muscle wants to be toned but not too tight. In addition to the challenges mentioned earlier, an overly tight obturator interns can pull your pelvis too far forward, straining your lower back, and predisposing you to arthritic changes in your pelvis and hips. If you are experiencing pelvic floor related problems then you probably only want to stretch and relax the muscle.

If you try the strengthening exercise please monitor the level of tightness, and stop and go back to Chrysta’s video if you experience any pain or discomfort in your pelvis, lower back or groin.

Strengthening the ‘ob in’ 

One way you can exercise your ‘ob in’ by sitting in a chair and placing your feet flat on the floor in front of you, hip-width apart. Bend your knees to 90 degrees and place your hands on the outside of each knee. Push in with your hands, pressing as if to push your knees together. Counteract the pressure by pushing out with your knees  to keep them hip-width apart. Hold for five seconds and then breathe deeply down to the area you’ve located the muscle to be and feel for the relaxation. Repeat eight times as long as there is no pain.

Want more?

If you are still trying to get your head around where this muscle sits in the body, here’s another cool site that shows the ‘ob in’ in 3D.
And to find out more about the magnificent muscles of our pelvic floor and how to connect with this amazing area of the body then come visit my yOniversity site where you can join my mailing list and check out my yOnilates programme.

On wombs, grief and talking to children about sexuality

Last night I sat in a room filled with parents, mainly mothers, who had come to hear me discuss how best to talk to their children about sexuality. Studies show that children who report having easy, open conversations about sex with mum and/or dad are more likely to do what most parents want for them; delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and use contraceptives when they do have sex. However, when parents feel discomfort, shame or embarrassment on the topic, young people are left to learn about sexuality from friends, television, music, advertisements and the internet. These are sources which can present a skewed and at times even dangerous perspective. 

So how do we create the environment for these conversations, especially when most of us had very little effective modelling to draw upon? For many of us this calls us to attend to whatever remains of our discomfort around our own sexuality. More on this later.

This morning I've been reading an excellent book called Wild Feminine by Tami Lynn Kent. I'm at the chapter on mothering and the womb and, as with much of what Tami writes, her words resonate beautifully with my own understandings and experience. 

She speaks of the capacity of the womb to hold (create) and release energy and also of the depth of grief that she has encountered while working with women in their pelvic bowl. I'm well aware of the capacity of the sensitive tissues of the pelvis to hold and store unprocessed memory and emotions and the possibility of release with tender, loving touch, focused attention and breath.

The light that went on for me was when she spoke about the lack of grieving rituals in our culture. Not only do we not have a time or place set aside to grieve the small and the large losses of our lives, most 'modern' women do their best to ignore, cover up or minimise their body's monthly release of her womb's lining. And in doing so we miss this natural opportunity for grieving and letting go of whatever has passed in the previous month. Little wonder that so many of our bodies respond with pelvic and uterine issues, both those that involve heaviness, holding and unwanted growths and those that result in weakness and excessive release.

How would things change, I pondered, if we devoted just one hour of each menstrual flow to allowing ourselves to grieve for the losses and deaths of the previous month, both our own and those of our family, our nearest and dearest? For women after menopause and for people without wombs the natural timing for this would be the dark moon. The human body responds to the moon's cycles even without a womb lining that waxes and wanes.

Which brings me back to the parents meeting. I find that a good part of what colours our views on sexuality and thus what we present to our children is determined by our own experiences. Often the bad ones. The process of cleaning the slate so we can be clear about what we want to pass on can be well served by reviewing and taking time to grieve and let go of losses and disappointments in our own sexual history.

Although, for some this can be a more lengthy journey, a simple ritual with a clear intention can be very helpful. Here's a suggestion, that could be used, both for this process or as regular monthly ritual.

Take some time to reflect on and write down those events from your sexual experiences (or those of the past month) that are unresolved within you. Allow yourself to feel the feelings that arise. Give your self permission to grieve these losses. Self soothe with gentle touch and let the tears flow if they are there. When you feel complete then simply take the pieces of paper and throw them into a river or stream of moving water or burn them in a fire and watch them being released or carried away. 

And if you are considering how best to talk to your children about sex then I recommend that you give yourself a couple of days and then ask yourself the question 'What does my child need to know to have a happy and fulfilling sexual life?'. Guided by this reflection, your conversations will be more likely to contain what kids say they want from their parents - honest guidance about values and feelings. 

I'd love to know if this is useful - do let me know how you go.

Looking at libido myths

I saw a discussion on Facebook today in which vulva cancer survivor and unstoppable gynae awareness advocate, Kath Mazalla, posted about a radio show she had listened to.  In this program, men, she reported, were saying that they had more urges than women, and women are becoming more accepting of husbands/partners having affairs in order to keep their man happy. Kath questioned whether most women would accept this.

What I question is the first suggestion that men have 'more urges than women'.
To start with it simply doesn't make sense to me, on an evolutionary level, that the gender responsible for growing the next generation in their bellies would be distinctly 'ho hum' about the act that starts the whole process. Did nature decide to rely on 'male urges' in combination with the masculine's generally superior strength to propagate our species?
I don't think so!

I believe that during centuries of male dominated society, we in the minority ('western') world, have been sold this myth. And many of us have come to believe it.

Prior to the 18th century it was thought that both the man and the woman needed to achieve orgasm for conception to take place. Once scientists discovered this was not the case interest in accurate education about feminine sexual pleasure dwindled dramatically. It has been suggested that information about women's arousal anatomy has been systematically removed from medical textbooks after this time. Women's natural urges have certainly been socially, morally and spiritually condemned, with those who enjoy sex becoming branded as whores and the only really acceptable archetype's available being the chaste maiden or devoted (and asexual) mother

However there are numerous countries in Africa and many Muslim communities who consider a woman’s sex drive to be extremely powerful. So powerful in fact that young girls genitals are quite literally cut out to preserve their moral values. Female Genital Mutilation affects an estimated 140 million women worldwide. It describes a range of practices in which all or part of a girls vulva is cut, sewn or removed. Fran Hosken's ground breaking report on FGM was published in 1979 and was influential in persuading the World Health Organization, to make efforts to end the practice. She reports that FGM is said to 'protect a women against her over sexed nature, saving her from temptation, suspicion and disgrace while preserving her chastity'. For these people a woman's 'urges' are considered to be so intense, both for her and for her community, that they must be extremely controlled.

And now lets look back at European history.
During the systematic persecution and execution of 'witches' in the Middle Ages chief inquisitor Heinrich Kramer wrote his notorious Malleus Maleficarum which became a handbook for secular courts throughout Renaissance Europe. In Section 1 he says "all witchcraft comes from carnal lust which is in women insatiable".
Insatiable, huh!
So why is it that we believe that men 'have more urges than women'? In part, possibly, because so many of our ancestors who dared to delight in their natural expressions of pleasure were burnt at the stake.

And now the pharmaceutical companies have jumped in on the act, where the church left off. They have created a medical 'disorder' called Female Sexual Dysfunction in order to attempt to repeat the unprecedented financial success of Viagra.
Viagra, the first oral treatment for erectile dysfunction was developed accidentally by scientists at Pfizer Laboratories and was greenlighted for use by the FDA on March 27, 1998. It was a huge success and has made billions of dollars for the company.
In that very same year, sex experts came together at the pharmaceutical industry-funded International Consensus Development Conference of Female Sexual Dysfunction to craft a new classification system. Because, guess what, unless you have a dysfunction, you can sell a cure.

In my practice I find that many women's issues around lack of desire and enjoyment of sex simply arise from lack of understanding of our arousal needs and how they differ from men's. This simple lack of knowledge in both partners has resulted in uncomfortable intercourse, before a woman is fully ready, which, over time, becomes extremely disheartening and quite literally numbs a woman's capacity for sensation. And with nowhere to go for information (other than internet porn which portrays a limited and unrealistic view of female sexuality) many women just give up and resign themselves to believing the myth.

What I believe we need is to lift the taboos, so that sex can be discussed, to educate openly and accurately and to support women to rediscover our natural, delightful, healing & empowering capacity for pleasure.
This is my mission and my passion. If it interests you please check out my new DVD -The Art & Science of Female Arousal or visit my teaching website or FB page to find out more.

Reclaiming the Magic of the Vulva

Give me a topic and I’ll find a way to fit in a yoni! Actually it isn’t a hard ask to find the connection between Magic and the Vulva so when She de Montford asked me to write an article for her magazine Spellcraft I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to discover that what I produced could pretty much serve as a ‘manifesto’ for my work with yOni.com. This article was first published in the summer edition of the ‘definitive guide to Magick in the Southern Hemisphere’....

I am a collector (and a purveyor) of Vulvic Art. My home is adorned with sumptuous silk and velvet vulva pillows, fluffy vulva purses, vulva pens, vulva jewellery and more. Some people are shocked when they see my collection, some are delighted but most ask “Why?”. I tell them that I believe the vulva is a wonderous and magical place, worthy of the utmost respect and the most beautiful artistic representations.

Anyone who has witnessed the natural entry of a child into this world would find it hard to deny the incredible qualities of the vulva. From a purely physical perspective her ability to stretch to accommodate the head of the newborn is nothing short of awe inspiring. Alas few of us have had the privilege to attend such a moving and fundamental event.

This was not always the case. Respect for the Vulva as the portal between the worlds was widespread in ancient times. And so was Vulvic Art.

Sheila na Gigs (or Sheelah-na-Gigs) are figurative carvings of naked women displaying an exaggerated vulva. They are found on churches, castles and other buildings, particularly in Ireland and Britain.

In the prestigious "Encyclopedia of Religion," (Eliade, Mircea. (Editor),1987) there are references to Sheila na Gigs

"The obvious life-giving and growth-promoting powers of the vulva and its secretions have given rise to a widespread use of representations of the female genitalia as apotropaic (intended to "ward off evil") devices. …. An apotropaic function seems to have prompted the placing of squatting female figures prominently exposing their open vulvas on the key of arches at church entrances in Ireland, Great Britain, and German Switzerland…. Most such figures were removed from churches in the nineteenth century.”

And a little farther down in the same article:

"A remarkable parallel to the Celtic Sheelagh-na-gig is found in the Palauan archipelago. The wooden figure of a nude woman, prominently exposing her vulva by sitting with legs wide apart and extended to either side of the body, is placed on the eastern gable of each village's chiefly meeting house. Such figures are called dilugai…These female figures protect the villagers' health and ward off all evil spirits as well. They are constructed by ritual specialists according to strict rules, which if broken would result in the specialist's as well as the chiefs death. It is not coincidental that each example of signs representing the female genitalia used as apotropaic devices are found on gates. The vulva is the primordial gate, the mysterious divide between nonlife and life" (Encyclopedia of Religion, article YONI, Vol.15, p.534).

I believe that much healing can be achieved through reclaiming the magic of the Vulva in our modern world. However, to do so we need first to inspect our current cultural attitudes to this most glorious and sacred part of the body.

Not only do we have no respectful representations of the Vulva, many of us are uncomfortable even talking about her. Last year the Weekend Australian ran an article about three US students who were suspended from high school for disobeying teachers and uttering the word “vagina” during a reading from the Eve Ensler’s ‘Vagina Monologues’.

In one research study, only 7% of respondents considered the vagina a body part that is freely mentionable (Allan & Burridge, 1991). Another survey found that 53% of women "felt some discomfort using the word vagina" (Bulletin, 1994, p. 10). And both women and gynecologists have been shown to rarely mention the word vagina (or even a synonym) during gynecological consultations (Weijts, Houtcoop, & Mullen, 1993).

And there are certainly plenty of synonyms to choose from! In my workshops I ask women to remember the name that they were given for their vulva as a child. I always hear something new. Rarely do I hear either vulva or vagina (which is technically the canal between the external genitalia, the vulva, and the womb). More distressing to me is that about one quarter of the woman were given no name at all to use. The area was just not mentioned. At all!

Why is this important? I believe that if women are uncomfortable with speaking about a part of their body which determines their femininity, which is a source of incredible creativity, pleasure and delight (the clitoris being the only body organ with the sole purpose of providing pleasure) and which is the gateway through which every one of us, in the normal run of things, enters this world, if we can’t name this part of us with ease and consider it with comfort then there is a dangerous void in our sense of ourselves as women.

And if we can’t talk about it then we cannot be given important information regarding our genital health. Woman of all ages can benefit from exercising the pelvic floor. In fact one source suggests that pelvic floor squeezes (or kegels) are the single most important exercise for a woman’s long term emotional and physical health. But most of us do not even hear about the possibility until we are pregnant (if then.) Kegels can be done anywhere, any time. Apart from being pleasurable for many woman (especially the more you practice!) kegeling increases blood flow and muscle tone, enhances sexual pleasure and reduces the likelihood of incontinence after childbirth.

I suggest that it is of the utmost importance to investigate and work towards healing any disempowering attitudes we have had foisted onto us about our most glorious and sacred feminine parts. By doing so women will feel better about themselves, boost their self-esteem, reduce depression and increase respect for the feminine in our society.

There are three simple steps we can take to start to reclaim the magic of the vulva:

Luscious yOni pendant available from yOni.com

1. We can use vulvic imagery as a powerful talisman. This need not be overt. The mandorla and even the V, or the cleft V are time honoured symbols for the vulva and can easily be incorporated into jewellery, art or even scribbles on a post-it note!

2. We can practice using her name. It may take time to become comfortable but it is unlikely to happen unless we start.

3. And thirdly, if we were lucky enough to be born in a woman’s body, we can kegel. Anywhere, any time! And while that enigmatic Mona Lisa smile creeps over our faces we can affirm the wonder and the power of feminine nature.


Visit www.yoni.com to see some of Laura-Doe's vulvic art collection and www.dothekegel.com for her squeeze along song to get you kegeling and for more information about pelvic floor exercise. Laura-Doe also runs workshops for women through the yOniversity® and provides comic info/entertainment on all things vulvic using her comic cabaret characters from Vaudeville of the Vulva. Please use the comments area to get in touch if you'd like to host a workshop or talk further about a performance.

Home Birth in Australia

I felt very privileged to attend the 25th Home Birth Australia conference in Sydney last weekend where I provided a couple of 'interesting interludes' between the wonderful presentations.

It was a powerful and inspiring weekend but I was seriously disturbed to discover how persistently women's birth choices are being eroded by legislators and the medical profession.

The opening presentation was from British author and social anthropologist, Sheila Kitzinger. Described by the UK newspaper The Independent as ‘High priestess of the childbirth movement’, Sheila is a vigorous campaigner for rights of women in matters of birth and sex.

Sheila’s message about birth is clear:

Birth can be ecstatic. It can be thrilling, dramatic, and overwhelming. It need not be traumatic and despite what the medical profession would have us believe birth is not a medical event.

Sheila maintains that women should have access to the information that will enable them to make their own decisions, to prepare themselves for an experience in which they participate fully and in which they, not the doctors, are in control. And most women will agree that this is much easier to do on their own ground, in a place to which the doctors and midwives who are their caregivers come as guests, either in their own home, or in a birth centre in which the rhythms of a labouring woman's body are honoured and waited on, where birth is non-interventionist and centered on people rather than mechanical processes.

Sheila’s talk was just the beginning of a wonderful and varied program of presentations. We heard from a number of midwifes and mothers about their home birth experiences with images and video footage of several glorious arrivals. I’m not sure what it is about birth that evokes such a primal rush of emotion. But I was certainly not alone in finding myself in awed, but joyful tears at several points during the day.

We heard about the beautiful home births of a number of supposedly 'high risk' women: a 45 year old woman, a breach birth and a woman whose pregnancy had lasted only 35 weeks. We heard about 10lb 9oz babies and we even met a home birthed baby who weighed in on arrival at a magnificent 12lb 9oz. He suckled happily at mum’s breast as she gave her presentation.

We also heard from one awesome mother who birthed her first baby still born. In a wonderfully down to earth way she shared how important it was for her and her partner that they were able to do this at home as this enabled them to process and grieve their loss in a natural, uninterrupted and instinctual way.

Throughout the day the message was clear. Women feel better birthing at home with the continuous care of a midwife that they have chosen and whom they trust. Not only do they feel better, the research shows quite clearly that their births are less inclined to problems, the babies are healthier and happier and the subsequent relationship between the baby and its family is considerable enhanced.

Why then we have to ask are midwives being witch-hunted, suspended and deregistered and birthing centres being closed through lack of funding and medical backup?

Hmmm - let me think now. Could it be for the same reason that women have been forced to give birth lying down with legs raised on hospital tables in a position that makes no sense in her body and allows her no support from gravity? Could it be for the same reason that babies are induced before their due date, but just before a long weekend and caesareans are suggested when labour progresses beyond a few hours? Could it be that all these things are happening at the expense of the mothers and babies well-being but for the doctors convenience and to allow the medical profession to maintain control over this natural, miraculous and essentially feminine process of birth?

If you have the opportunity please see Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake's documentary "The Business of Being Born" which was premiered at the conference. Or make the opportunity by holding your own show. See the website for more details. Also check out the Homebirth Australia website for more information and resources on homebirth.

The truth shall set you free

Exploring the underbelly of womens’ relationships with one another.

In the past six months two women in my women’s group have decided that it is time for them to leave the group and move on in their lives. For both women there was some sadness and regret and a sense that the group was not serving them in the way that they would have liked.

For me the decision in each case felt appropriate and reflected the way I see the differing desires and directions of the group as a whole and the individual women who chose to leave. But those of us who remain decided that we would take up the opportunity to inspect a little deeper any ways in which we may have failed to support the women who left and/or contributed to their sense of alienation.

We decided to explore the ‘underbelly’ of our group dynamics and those parts of our individual behaviour that, even after seven years of exploration together, we prefer to keep hidden.

It is a challenging but fascinating and liberating journey as we confess to one another facets of ourselves that we had hoped went unseen. It has really been like peeling the layers of the proverbial onion.

In the first week that we approached the topic I felt confident that I had addressed all the areas that I was still hiding. But as the weeks progress I realize that I had merely opened the door. I had been in denial about my denial! I suppose it is not surprising – blind spots are called just that because we find them so difficult to see. But choosing to shine a light on these murky areas within the safe container of a group of women who love you is very powerful indeed.

And the process feels more and more potent as it dawns on me that we are exploring things that are of major importance to the wellbeing of the feminine and to the re-establishment of women’s culture. In a world were the qualities and gifts of 'the feminine' have been devalued and denied in so many ways for such a long time it is not just ‘the masculine’ that does the oppressing. Women have also learned to oppress other women in order to survive. I believe we all have an ‘inner misogynist’ that seeks to align us with the power of the dominant paradigm by putting ourselves and other women down. How could we not? Doing so is so ingrained in the society that we live in.

And it is not just the undesirable qualities that we are finding we choose to hide! We have also revealed gifts and attributes that we are proud of but that we choose to minimise and keep hidden. But whether I see a hidden aspect of myself as desirable or otherwise, the process of allowing it to surface and to be seen for what it is has been equally powerful. Reaching for the truth is immensely cleansing and liberating. I highly recommend it!

The Vulva Puppets' Australian debut

I must confess I was pretty nervous when I arrived at the venue for the 2007 Women & Depression conference. The starched white table in the hotel foyer did not strike me as a terribly welcoming place for my display of Vulva Puppets and other vagina related and empowering goodies. The conference participants seemed serious and rather conservative and my concern about their response to my presentation tripled instantly. I started to imagine being booed off the stage in a hostile hail of conference mints!

I guess those sort of feelings are par for the course when you plan to present on a taboo subject like the vagina. Indeed our difficulty with naming, discussing, respecting and honouring our glorious feminine genitalia and the effects that that difficulty may have on our sense of ourselves as women was the very essence of my presentation. I banished the desire to run and introduced myself to the conference organiser, the fabulous Anique Duc.

Once inside the conference room I felt more comfortable. The room was decorated with beautiful banners depicting a huge array of goddesses from many cultures. The wonderful work of artist Lydia Ruyle, these banners have been sent all over the world to 'weave the sacred energies of the divine feminine'. They certainly worked their magic on me and reminded me what I was doing there.

The presentations were varied and interesting and covered a variety of women and depression related topic areas. I learned about rural strategies for caring for women with post-natal depression, work with women in the prison system and rituals for rites of passage for women at menarche, birthing and menopause. I cried at the courage of Iranian women trying to stand up for themselves under severe repression and took part in the collaborative creation of a set of women's power cards.

By lunch time I had relaxed enough to set up my display table, the contents of which created a range of responses from horror to glee. It paved the way well for my presentation and I realised how important it was going to be to speak clearly about why I had brought these tools and how valuable & effective they can be in supporting women's health, education and therapy.

My moment came and my paper was enthusiastically received. Although my own experience of feeling challenged by speaking on the topic of vaginas is clearly backed up by research, I was interested to find that when I asked the question 'Who would feel some discomfort in speaking the word vagina?' the majority of the women in the room slowly raised their hand. Especially interesting considering it was a room full of women who work in women's health.

So despite my concerns my message was valued and understood and indeed generated some fascinating discussions that went on well into the evening. It also felt as though the wondrous vulva puppets had made their Australian debut to a highly appropriate audience and I was delighted to see several of them leave in the care of counsellors, educators and women's health workers who have promised to report back on how they are using them in their particular work arena.

Thank you and congratulations to Anique and her wonderful team for a beautiful and powerful conference and for the opportunity to meet and learn from such an interesting and diverse group of women.

Women and Depression Conference 2007

I am flying up to Sydney next week to give a presentation at the Women and Depression Conference (23-25 May at the Carlton Crest Hotel). I was expecting to offer a two hour workshop 'Returning to Reverence of the Sacred Source' in which women are invited to use art, voice dialogue, the wondrous vulva puppets and other processes to become aware of and to begin to heal any dis-empowering attitudes to our most glorious and sacred feminine parts.

However I recently discovered that all presenters are now allocated a 30 minute slot only! It's going to be fun condensing all that into a 30 minute presentation. Any suggestions?

Returning to Reverence of the Sacred Source - Workshop abstract

The prevalence of terms for women's genitalia that can be classified as derogatory or dismissive, or terms which are nonspecific and vague reflects and perpetuates a cultural context in which women's genitalia are either conceptually absent or perceived negatively (Braun & Wilkinson, 2001). Participants in Lee and Sasser-Coen's (1996) qualitative study spoke of menarche as an experience that "contaminated" their bodies, and their genitals in particular. Is it no wonder that the self-esteem of young women plummets in their early teens?

While we as women experience any difficulty thinking about, talking about, ‘owning’ or experiencing the miracle of our genitals and reproductive cycles, what effects must that have on our health and happiness and our overall attitudes to being a woman?

'Returning to Reverence of the Sacred Source' is a powerful experiential workshop in which women have the opportunity to explore and renew their relationship with their vulva and vagina. We use art, voice dialogue, vulva puppets and group process to become aware of and to begin to heal any dis-empowering attitudes to our most glorious and sacred feminine parts. (NB No nudity is involved in this process).

yOni gorgeous gift shop opens

After a few months beavering away behind the veil I am delighted to announce that the new yOni gorgeous gifts shop is now open for e-business. We have all your favourite, funny, fabulous and feminine goodies from the original shop. Delights such as the fluffy pussy purse, the wondrous vulva puppets, our cloth menstrual pads, the glass goddesses, the yoni jewellery etc. etc. as well as a host of new products for your delectation. And there are more waiting in the wings!

Come check out oodles of gorgeous gifts for her brought to you by yOni.com

New moon - New Year

Here in the Southern Hemisphere the 13th New Moon of 2005 falls on New Year's Eve so we have the opportunity to take the new lunar energy into our intentions and celebrations for the new calendar year.

Here is what Claudia from moonsurfing.com says about this new moon in Capricorn.

"The New Moon planetary set-up says loud and clear... "Before moving forward, you must look back."

As the new year begins, Saturn, ruler of Capricorn and planet of lessons and constructive activity continues to move in reverse till the 5th of April. This means that you have time (and you must) get your ducks in a row, face the truth of what it's going to take to put your plans and dreams into action and leave unrealistic notions behind. The lunar journal for this month was created to help you do just that. http://www.moonsurfing.com/journal.html

The push-pull effect of the ongoing stressful planetary energies is opening you to new possibilities while making you aware of unacceptable limitations. You're cautioned not to move too quickly, but to reflect on how you're managing your resources (time is a big one) and your responsibilities. Determination, commitment and self-discipline are basic requirements that will help you let go of all that's not working.

The coming year will show you that all your choices have consequences. We'll be coming out of a powerful universal "7" year of wisdom and understanding... an inner voyage into an "8" universal year of success, satisfaction and personal power so take note of how you conceive of, hold and utilize power.

The stressful gale force winds of change that have been blowing for the last 3 months are building to an irrevocable turning point and the status quo in your life is definitely due to permanently change big-time. Here's another guarantee... you'll reap what you've sown and be paid back for work well done. You can discover the opportunities for change coming up for you personally in 2006 with a reading. http://www.moonsurfing.com/readings.html

Here are some questions to help you use these stressful energies in the most positive ways:
1) Where do you want to be a year from now?
2) What memories will help you on your journey?
3) What must you be responsible and accountable for?
3) What's essential for your journey to be successful and fulfilling?
4) What are your personal values and what have you been voting for with your feet and your dollars?
5) What enduring forms of self-expression will you create?

You're being asked to review selfish agendas and to be sure your intentions include love, humor...and joy. It's time to get in touch with your inner calling ...what you hold dear and want to share with the world.

Capricorn is signified by two different animals presenting you with two different choices regarding the way you use your power. First is the mountain goat seeking to climb the mountains in life by making sure every step is solid... leaving nothing to chance. However, this goat can be overly focused on power-grabbing tactics and selfish personal goals.

Second is the seagoat or mergoat. This animal strives to be a responsible servant for the good of all. Rather than seeking to find security through control over external resources... including people and the environment...the goal is self-mastery.

These are those interesting and exciting times we all asked to live in.... a time when every feeling, thought, word and action creates a reality. Determination, commitment and self-discipline are basic requirements that will help you let go of all that's not working so you can manifest what you truly want. It won't necessarily be easy, but know this... the rewards will be huge.

With Love, Best Wishes for a Happy New Year and Many Moonlit Blessings, Claudia "

You can subscribe to Claudia's fortnightly moon watch email at moonsurfing.com
Blessings and a Happy New Year from me too
xxx

Poet declines banquet with Mrs Bush

Thank the goddess for women who speak up for what they believe in.

Here is an open letter from the poet Sharon Olds to Laura Bush declining the invitation to read and speak at the National Book Critics Circle Award in Washington, DC. Sharon Olds is one of most widely read and critically acclaimed poets living in America today. Read to the end of the letter to experience her restrained, chilling eloquence.

No Place for a Poet at a Banquet of Shame by Sharon Olds

All publicity is good publicity

I recently discovered an extremely unfavorable review of my website. For some reason though this guy's comments don't bother me much. Maybe it's because he can't spell ridiculous!

Here's what he has to say

"Good god. It's amazing how far you can go when you ignore that little voice in your head that points out how rediculous you are being. This is the worst of feminism, wicca and neo-pagan sexuality rolled into a Geocities-style website. I have rarely seen a site so ... crap."
by CastorQuinn, Aug 11, 9:02pm, 2004

Strong words Castor! Something we said must have touched a nerve I'd say.

You can check out other sites CastorQuinn likes and doesn't like at his stumbleupon page

You could also check out yoni.com and see if you agree with him!

If you don't already know about StumbleUpon it's worth checking out. StumbleUpon offers a downloadable toolbar that you can use to rate websites that you visit and which takes you to sites that others have rated highly in the categories that you are interested in. In it's own words "It is backed by a community of members who explore and review sites they like. These reviews help everyone discover the best sites and meet like-minded people." I have "stumbled upon" some great sites using their toolbar.

A wise old bird

"Go to the people at the top—that is my advice to anyone who wants to change the system, any system. Don’t moan and groan with like-minded souls. Don’t write letters or place a few phone calls and then sit back and wait. Leave safety behind. Put your body on the line. Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind—even if your voice shakes. When you least expect it, someone may actually listen to what you have to say. Well-aimed slingshots can topple giants."Maggie Kuhn, born one hundred years ago today.

With the slogan "Do something outrageous every day," Kuhn organized and founded the Gray Panthers in 1970 to advocate the rights of the elderly. The National organization continues to be dedicated to social change with both "age and youth in action."

Shopping - A Sacred Feminine Practice

Last week four of us from my women's group (see - women's culture) went on an outing. As we drove up the coast we marveled at the fact that we had been meeting most weeks for over four years, had laughed, cried, danced, meditated and shared our deepest hearts with one another - but we had never indulged in the quintessential feminine spiritual practice of shopping!

It was time to turn that one around!

Just the presence of four women dedicated to shopping seemed to make people happy. 'Are you girls all shopping together?' asked the angel at the checkout of the first store delightedly, and with very little prompting proceeded to give us fabulous advice on the best places to visit next.

Her suggestions were spot on. If there is one thing that makes women happier than great new clothes - it's great new clothes at bargain prices. When we hit the factory outlet stores unkind observers might have described it as a feeding frenzy. But the astute on-looker would have been able to see that they were witnessing a religious experience. Great joy was all around.

The best part about shopping with girlfriends is that the sisterhood is greater than the sum of the parts. We all returned with at least one item we would never have found or tried on, let alone bought if it hadn't been for the others. My enduring memory will be the expression on my friend's faces as I put on a particular cream lace jacket. Before I turned to look in the mirror I new I would have to buy this item.

Mirrors can distort, my own perception can be very critical ..... but the eyes of my sisters don't lie.

Aging gracefully?

I think humour is the answer - especially the ability to laugh at yourself!

Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited

The Minangkabau - a matrilineal culture

The Minangkabau ethnic group is indigenous to the highlands of West Sumatra, in Indonesia.

According to wikipedia their culture is matrilineal, with property and land passing down from mother to daughter. Religious and political affairs however are the province of men!

Now that makes real sense to me.

Think about it. If you were creating your own society and you had to choose whether to base inheritance on masculine or feminine progeny (and you wanted a system with the least likelihood of arguments and difficulty), would you choose to try and identify the offspring of men or of women?

No, no, no - this woman is my mother not that woman!
Oops I made a mistake - actually I gave birth to that child but never realised it!
I don't think so!

We have adopted an old joke in the area where I live.

How do you define confusion?

Fathers day
in Mullumbimby.

Women's culture

Have we forgotten something?

In our struggle for equality with men.

Have we missed a crucial part of the picture
... a whole flip side of the coin?

Western "civilization" is a man’s world.
Women have struggled and in many areas succeeded in developing their masculine skills in order to successfully, survive, compete and excel in this masculine oriented culture. All credit to us.

But does it make us happy? Do we offer our greatest gifts? Does it serve the bigger picture?

And where is the world, the way of living, that is designed to support the feminine, that is home, nurturing, supportive, safe, natural for women? That acknowledges our unique (and very different from the masculine) qualities.
What of our cycles? The stages of a woman's life, maiden, mother, crone. During our fertile years, what of the monthly ebb and flow of our womb’s life nurturing lining. How could we imagine that we can stay full and nourished in a world that ignores these vital changes in a women's body and feeling nature. Our conditioning has been so compelling that we manage to believe that we have to squeeze our flowing, rhythmic nature into a narrow uniformity of weeks and weekends.
No wonder there is such an abnormally high ratio of disease in our feminine organs. Did you know that 12 hysterectomies are performed every 10 minutes in the USA? That hysterectomy is the second most common major operation performed in the United States (and many other countries) today, second only to .. you guessed it ... cesarian section!

Where is our women’s culture?

Are we missing a huge and vital portion ?
Are we missing the fact that we have lost all sight, all knowledge and even the sense that there should exist a women’s world to complement this man’s world?

If we have, then where it was lost/forgotten historically?

Did it start in the slow, subtle transference of allegiance from mother goddess to the one (masculine) God? .... alluded to (among other places) in Anita Diamant's "The Red Tent" , described in Susan Weed's article - The Goddess is Alive

Was it confirmed in the burning of the witches - the complete eradication of huge bodies of knowledge about birth, herbs and healing?
Was it compounded in the break up of the extended family during the industrial revolution?
Many traditional cultures retain their women's culture. But we are much smarter, more civilized, more modern then they. Aren't we?

What did you learn from your mother , your grandmother, your aunties and cousin's, your female lineage?

What women's culture is not (although it could be)

Knitting circles
Coffee mornings
CWA
Alone keeping house
Mothering in isolation

What might it be, then?

I’m not advocating that we turn the clock back and deny all the successes of the (civilized) masculine world (!@$)

But women urgently need to find a way home, a way to nurture our essential selves to revitalize and regenerate, to relax, to feel known and understood, recognized and deeply honored, to regain our self worth, our sense of beauty and dignity no matter what age or shape our body’s form might be, to share and to hear and to learn from women’s story, her-story, myths and mysteries, to sing and to weave, to create and to give birth, to laugh and to dance, to grieve and to celebrate, to delight in our bodies sensual feeling nature, to recognize that here are a myriad of facets to the diamond of women’s culture and these jewels can only be gained in the company of other women.

What can we do?

Rome wasn’t built in a day

We can start by taking time out on a regular basis to connect deeply with other women.
I don’t mean a coffee and a chat about the kids or even a d&m with a girlfriend about our problems or our love life, although those are good things to do. I mean a space and time set aside (and with intention made sacred) for women to gather and nurture one another with touch, acknowledgment and loving reflection. A time for body oriented expression, dancing, massage, sensuality, rage and delight. A place where it is OK to be exactly who we are.

I have had the privilege of being part of such a group that has met weekly for the past four years. It is the well that I drink from that nourishes and revitalizes me and gives me the strength to carry on. I have felt sick when I arrived and left feeling well. It is the place that I can come happy or sad, ebullient or broken-hearted and I will be seen and loved and leave refreshed. It is place where every facet of my woman-self is welcome. It is my place, my women's culture.

I will write more about this and other things and if this blog could support women to start to reconnect with one another and themselves in this or any other way then I would be a very happy camper. That is my intention and my heartfelt wish. So may it be.