The Lost Squat

Over the past weeks I've been really enjoying refining the yOnilates program and preparing the teaching materials for the second cohort of teacher trainers. This sort of research and clarification is one of my favourite activities, and I’d like to share with you one of the gems that can really support pelvic wellness throughout life...
Squatting!
We just don’t do it enough any more.
For many folk, squatting is seen as undignified and uncomfortable. At best, we might undertake it during exercise class or yoga, but usually only a couple of times a week.
I’m going to suggest that you find a way to make squatting a part of daily life.

It’s not that unusual - in fact our bodies are absolutely designed to squat. Watch most toddlers and you’ll quickly see how they squat and stand up again with grace and ease. A huge proportion of the planet’s population squats daily, usually many times and for quite long periods. People squat to rest, to chat, to pray, to cook, to share a meal, to use the toilet and to give birth. It’s not that we can’t sit comfortably in a deep squat, it’s just that we’ve forgotten how.

Our failure to squat has important implications. It is a ‘use it or lose it’ situation. The synovial fluid that bathes all our joints is like the body’s oil that also provides nutrition to the cartilage. Movement and compression are essential for the production of synovial fluid, and, if a joint doesn’t go through its full range, the production reduces and eventually stops.

When we sit all the time rather than squatting, the hips and knees never go past 90 degrees and the degeneration starts.

For those of us interested in the wellbeing of our pelvic floor, the lost squat has further implications. When we squat, we also activate the many muscles connecting in to the pelvis. Strengthening your glutes and hamstrings will provide important support to the pelvic floor. The squat action also stretches and lengthens the pelvic floor itself. Many of the pelvic issues people experience are actually due to the pelvic floor being too tight, rather than too weak.

So squatting is really useful and it is a good idea to do more, but as movement expert, Katy Bowman, says, ‘If you haven’t squatted in the last million years (besides the two times you went camping and peed on your shoe), it’s going to take awhile to prepare your joints.’

Here are three starter exercises based on her excellent suggestions:

The calf stretch

Place the ball of one foot up on a rolled yoga mat or towel, or use a low block or a pilates half pipe. Keep your heel on the ground and feel the stretch in the back of your calf. To increase the stretch step forward with the opposite foot.

No-bow, bottom drop

From a hands and knees position (with lower legs and feet parallel & tracking straight back), drop the hips back as far as you can, without allowing the feet to move closer to each other, or allowing the tailbone to tuck under. Don’t sit back any farther if your tailbone tucks. Make sure you keep a lightly arched back. If your tailbone tucks, making your back bow backwards, come forward, re-lift your bum, and hang out in the position where you can still keep your back slightly arched.

Supported squat
Use the handles of an open door to lower yourself down into a squat whilst staying supported. Position yourself so your arms stretch out fully, and make sure your knees head down in line with your big toes.

Head over to Katy’s excellent blog for pictures of these exercises and additional tips. She will give you a better idea about your squat-ability, and get you on a safe and healthy path to full squatting.

If squats are already a doddle, then just make sure that your knees are heading out in line with your big toe, and resolve to find extra opportunities to incorporate squatting into your day.

Squat during ad breaks on the TV, when picking up stuff from the floor, or talking to small people. Squat occasionally rather than sitting to do a simple task, and, if you are up for it, you could even consider getting a little stool to put in front of your toilet to help you squat, rather than sit on ‘the throne'.

Happy squatting - and do let me know if you have any more ingenious ideas about when and where to incorporate more squatting into your life.

On wombs, grief and talking to children about sexuality

Last night I sat in a room filled with parents, mainly mothers, who had come to hear me discuss how best to talk to their children about sexuality. Studies show that children who report having easy, open conversations about sex with mum and/or dad are more likely to do what most parents want for them; delay sexual activity, have fewer partners, and use contraceptives when they do have sex. However, when parents feel discomfort, shame or embarrassment on the topic, young people are left to learn about sexuality from friends, television, music, advertisements and the internet. These are sources which can present a skewed and at times even dangerous perspective. 

So how do we create the environment for these conversations, especially when most of us had very little effective modelling to draw upon? For many of us this calls us to attend to whatever remains of our discomfort around our own sexuality. More on this later.

This morning I've been reading an excellent book called Wild Feminine by Tami Lynn Kent. I'm at the chapter on mothering and the womb and, as with much of what Tami writes, her words resonate beautifully with my own understandings and experience. 

She speaks of the capacity of the womb to hold (create) and release energy and also of the depth of grief that she has encountered while working with women in their pelvic bowl. I'm well aware of the capacity of the sensitive tissues of the pelvis to hold and store unprocessed memory and emotions and the possibility of release with tender, loving touch, focused attention and breath.

The light that went on for me was when she spoke about the lack of grieving rituals in our culture. Not only do we not have a time or place set aside to grieve the small and the large losses of our lives, most 'modern' women do their best to ignore, cover up or minimise their body's monthly release of her womb's lining. And in doing so we miss this natural opportunity for grieving and letting go of whatever has passed in the previous month. Little wonder that so many of our bodies respond with pelvic and uterine issues, both those that involve heaviness, holding and unwanted growths and those that result in weakness and excessive release.

How would things change, I pondered, if we devoted just one hour of each menstrual flow to allowing ourselves to grieve for the losses and deaths of the previous month, both our own and those of our family, our nearest and dearest? For women after menopause and for people without wombs the natural timing for this would be the dark moon. The human body responds to the moon's cycles even without a womb lining that waxes and wanes.

Which brings me back to the parents meeting. I find that a good part of what colours our views on sexuality and thus what we present to our children is determined by our own experiences. Often the bad ones. The process of cleaning the slate so we can be clear about what we want to pass on can be well served by reviewing and taking time to grieve and let go of losses and disappointments in our own sexual history.

Although, for some this can be a more lengthy journey, a simple ritual with a clear intention can be very helpful. Here's a suggestion, that could be used, both for this process or as regular monthly ritual.

Take some time to reflect on and write down those events from your sexual experiences (or those of the past month) that are unresolved within you. Allow yourself to feel the feelings that arise. Give your self permission to grieve these losses. Self soothe with gentle touch and let the tears flow if they are there. When you feel complete then simply take the pieces of paper and throw them into a river or stream of moving water or burn them in a fire and watch them being released or carried away. 

And if you are considering how best to talk to your children about sex then I recommend that you give yourself a couple of days and then ask yourself the question 'What does my child need to know to have a happy and fulfilling sexual life?'. Guided by this reflection, your conversations will be more likely to contain what kids say they want from their parents - honest guidance about values and feelings. 

I'd love to know if this is useful - do let me know how you go.

Reclaiming the Magic of the Vulva

Give me a topic and I’ll find a way to fit in a yoni! Actually it isn’t a hard ask to find the connection between Magic and the Vulva so when She de Montford asked me to write an article for her magazine Spellcraft I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to discover that what I produced could pretty much serve as a ‘manifesto’ for my work with yOni.com. This article was first published in the summer edition of the ‘definitive guide to Magick in the Southern Hemisphere’....

I am a collector (and a purveyor) of Vulvic Art. My home is adorned with sumptuous silk and velvet vulva pillows, fluffy vulva purses, vulva pens, vulva jewellery and more. Some people are shocked when they see my collection, some are delighted but most ask “Why?”. I tell them that I believe the vulva is a wonderous and magical place, worthy of the utmost respect and the most beautiful artistic representations.

Anyone who has witnessed the natural entry of a child into this world would find it hard to deny the incredible qualities of the vulva. From a purely physical perspective her ability to stretch to accommodate the head of the newborn is nothing short of awe inspiring. Alas few of us have had the privilege to attend such a moving and fundamental event.

This was not always the case. Respect for the Vulva as the portal between the worlds was widespread in ancient times. And so was Vulvic Art.

Sheila na Gigs (or Sheelah-na-Gigs) are figurative carvings of naked women displaying an exaggerated vulva. They are found on churches, castles and other buildings, particularly in Ireland and Britain.

In the prestigious "Encyclopedia of Religion," (Eliade, Mircea. (Editor),1987) there are references to Sheila na Gigs

"The obvious life-giving and growth-promoting powers of the vulva and its secretions have given rise to a widespread use of representations of the female genitalia as apotropaic (intended to "ward off evil") devices. …. An apotropaic function seems to have prompted the placing of squatting female figures prominently exposing their open vulvas on the key of arches at church entrances in Ireland, Great Britain, and German Switzerland…. Most such figures were removed from churches in the nineteenth century.”

And a little farther down in the same article:

"A remarkable parallel to the Celtic Sheelagh-na-gig is found in the Palauan archipelago. The wooden figure of a nude woman, prominently exposing her vulva by sitting with legs wide apart and extended to either side of the body, is placed on the eastern gable of each village's chiefly meeting house. Such figures are called dilugai…These female figures protect the villagers' health and ward off all evil spirits as well. They are constructed by ritual specialists according to strict rules, which if broken would result in the specialist's as well as the chiefs death. It is not coincidental that each example of signs representing the female genitalia used as apotropaic devices are found on gates. The vulva is the primordial gate, the mysterious divide between nonlife and life" (Encyclopedia of Religion, article YONI, Vol.15, p.534).

I believe that much healing can be achieved through reclaiming the magic of the Vulva in our modern world. However, to do so we need first to inspect our current cultural attitudes to this most glorious and sacred part of the body.

Not only do we have no respectful representations of the Vulva, many of us are uncomfortable even talking about her. Last year the Weekend Australian ran an article about three US students who were suspended from high school for disobeying teachers and uttering the word “vagina” during a reading from the Eve Ensler’s ‘Vagina Monologues’.

In one research study, only 7% of respondents considered the vagina a body part that is freely mentionable (Allan & Burridge, 1991). Another survey found that 53% of women "felt some discomfort using the word vagina" (Bulletin, 1994, p. 10). And both women and gynecologists have been shown to rarely mention the word vagina (or even a synonym) during gynecological consultations (Weijts, Houtcoop, & Mullen, 1993).

And there are certainly plenty of synonyms to choose from! In my workshops I ask women to remember the name that they were given for their vulva as a child. I always hear something new. Rarely do I hear either vulva or vagina (which is technically the canal between the external genitalia, the vulva, and the womb). More distressing to me is that about one quarter of the woman were given no name at all to use. The area was just not mentioned. At all!

Why is this important? I believe that if women are uncomfortable with speaking about a part of their body which determines their femininity, which is a source of incredible creativity, pleasure and delight (the clitoris being the only body organ with the sole purpose of providing pleasure) and which is the gateway through which every one of us, in the normal run of things, enters this world, if we can’t name this part of us with ease and consider it with comfort then there is a dangerous void in our sense of ourselves as women.

And if we can’t talk about it then we cannot be given important information regarding our genital health. Woman of all ages can benefit from exercising the pelvic floor. In fact one source suggests that pelvic floor squeezes (or kegels) are the single most important exercise for a woman’s long term emotional and physical health. But most of us do not even hear about the possibility until we are pregnant (if then.) Kegels can be done anywhere, any time. Apart from being pleasurable for many woman (especially the more you practice!) kegeling increases blood flow and muscle tone, enhances sexual pleasure and reduces the likelihood of incontinence after childbirth.

I suggest that it is of the utmost importance to investigate and work towards healing any disempowering attitudes we have had foisted onto us about our most glorious and sacred feminine parts. By doing so women will feel better about themselves, boost their self-esteem, reduce depression and increase respect for the feminine in our society.

There are three simple steps we can take to start to reclaim the magic of the vulva:

Luscious yOni pendant available from yOni.com

1. We can use vulvic imagery as a powerful talisman. This need not be overt. The mandorla and even the V, or the cleft V are time honoured symbols for the vulva and can easily be incorporated into jewellery, art or even scribbles on a post-it note!

2. We can practice using her name. It may take time to become comfortable but it is unlikely to happen unless we start.

3. And thirdly, if we were lucky enough to be born in a woman’s body, we can kegel. Anywhere, any time! And while that enigmatic Mona Lisa smile creeps over our faces we can affirm the wonder and the power of feminine nature.


Visit www.yoni.com to see some of Laura-Doe's vulvic art collection and www.dothekegel.com for her squeeze along song to get you kegeling and for more information about pelvic floor exercise. Laura-Doe also runs workshops for women through the yOniversity® and provides comic info/entertainment on all things vulvic using her comic cabaret characters from Vaudeville of the Vulva. Please use the comments area to get in touch if you'd like to host a workshop or talk further about a performance.

Home Birth in Australia

I felt very privileged to attend the 25th Home Birth Australia conference in Sydney last weekend where I provided a couple of 'interesting interludes' between the wonderful presentations.

It was a powerful and inspiring weekend but I was seriously disturbed to discover how persistently women's birth choices are being eroded by legislators and the medical profession.

The opening presentation was from British author and social anthropologist, Sheila Kitzinger. Described by the UK newspaper The Independent as ‘High priestess of the childbirth movement’, Sheila is a vigorous campaigner for rights of women in matters of birth and sex.

Sheila’s message about birth is clear:

Birth can be ecstatic. It can be thrilling, dramatic, and overwhelming. It need not be traumatic and despite what the medical profession would have us believe birth is not a medical event.

Sheila maintains that women should have access to the information that will enable them to make their own decisions, to prepare themselves for an experience in which they participate fully and in which they, not the doctors, are in control. And most women will agree that this is much easier to do on their own ground, in a place to which the doctors and midwives who are their caregivers come as guests, either in their own home, or in a birth centre in which the rhythms of a labouring woman's body are honoured and waited on, where birth is non-interventionist and centered on people rather than mechanical processes.

Sheila’s talk was just the beginning of a wonderful and varied program of presentations. We heard from a number of midwifes and mothers about their home birth experiences with images and video footage of several glorious arrivals. I’m not sure what it is about birth that evokes such a primal rush of emotion. But I was certainly not alone in finding myself in awed, but joyful tears at several points during the day.

We heard about the beautiful home births of a number of supposedly 'high risk' women: a 45 year old woman, a breach birth and a woman whose pregnancy had lasted only 35 weeks. We heard about 10lb 9oz babies and we even met a home birthed baby who weighed in on arrival at a magnificent 12lb 9oz. He suckled happily at mum’s breast as she gave her presentation.

We also heard from one awesome mother who birthed her first baby still born. In a wonderfully down to earth way she shared how important it was for her and her partner that they were able to do this at home as this enabled them to process and grieve their loss in a natural, uninterrupted and instinctual way.

Throughout the day the message was clear. Women feel better birthing at home with the continuous care of a midwife that they have chosen and whom they trust. Not only do they feel better, the research shows quite clearly that their births are less inclined to problems, the babies are healthier and happier and the subsequent relationship between the baby and its family is considerable enhanced.

Why then we have to ask are midwives being witch-hunted, suspended and deregistered and birthing centres being closed through lack of funding and medical backup?

Hmmm - let me think now. Could it be for the same reason that women have been forced to give birth lying down with legs raised on hospital tables in a position that makes no sense in her body and allows her no support from gravity? Could it be for the same reason that babies are induced before their due date, but just before a long weekend and caesareans are suggested when labour progresses beyond a few hours? Could it be that all these things are happening at the expense of the mothers and babies well-being but for the doctors convenience and to allow the medical profession to maintain control over this natural, miraculous and essentially feminine process of birth?

If you have the opportunity please see Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake's documentary "The Business of Being Born" which was premiered at the conference. Or make the opportunity by holding your own show. See the website for more details. Also check out the Homebirth Australia website for more information and resources on homebirth.

Shopping - A Sacred Feminine Practice

Last week four of us from my women's group (see - women's culture) went on an outing. As we drove up the coast we marveled at the fact that we had been meeting most weeks for over four years, had laughed, cried, danced, meditated and shared our deepest hearts with one another - but we had never indulged in the quintessential feminine spiritual practice of shopping!

It was time to turn that one around!

Just the presence of four women dedicated to shopping seemed to make people happy. 'Are you girls all shopping together?' asked the angel at the checkout of the first store delightedly, and with very little prompting proceeded to give us fabulous advice on the best places to visit next.

Her suggestions were spot on. If there is one thing that makes women happier than great new clothes - it's great new clothes at bargain prices. When we hit the factory outlet stores unkind observers might have described it as a feeding frenzy. But the astute on-looker would have been able to see that they were witnessing a religious experience. Great joy was all around.

The best part about shopping with girlfriends is that the sisterhood is greater than the sum of the parts. We all returned with at least one item we would never have found or tried on, let alone bought if it hadn't been for the others. My enduring memory will be the expression on my friend's faces as I put on a particular cream lace jacket. Before I turned to look in the mirror I new I would have to buy this item.

Mirrors can distort, my own perception can be very critical ..... but the eyes of my sisters don't lie.

Women's culture

Have we forgotten something?

In our struggle for equality with men.

Have we missed a crucial part of the picture
... a whole flip side of the coin?

Western "civilization" is a man’s world.
Women have struggled and in many areas succeeded in developing their masculine skills in order to successfully, survive, compete and excel in this masculine oriented culture. All credit to us.

But does it make us happy? Do we offer our greatest gifts? Does it serve the bigger picture?

And where is the world, the way of living, that is designed to support the feminine, that is home, nurturing, supportive, safe, natural for women? That acknowledges our unique (and very different from the masculine) qualities.
What of our cycles? The stages of a woman's life, maiden, mother, crone. During our fertile years, what of the monthly ebb and flow of our womb’s life nurturing lining. How could we imagine that we can stay full and nourished in a world that ignores these vital changes in a women's body and feeling nature. Our conditioning has been so compelling that we manage to believe that we have to squeeze our flowing, rhythmic nature into a narrow uniformity of weeks and weekends.
No wonder there is such an abnormally high ratio of disease in our feminine organs. Did you know that 12 hysterectomies are performed every 10 minutes in the USA? That hysterectomy is the second most common major operation performed in the United States (and many other countries) today, second only to .. you guessed it ... cesarian section!

Where is our women’s culture?

Are we missing a huge and vital portion ?
Are we missing the fact that we have lost all sight, all knowledge and even the sense that there should exist a women’s world to complement this man’s world?

If we have, then where it was lost/forgotten historically?

Did it start in the slow, subtle transference of allegiance from mother goddess to the one (masculine) God? .... alluded to (among other places) in Anita Diamant's "The Red Tent" , described in Susan Weed's article - The Goddess is Alive

Was it confirmed in the burning of the witches - the complete eradication of huge bodies of knowledge about birth, herbs and healing?
Was it compounded in the break up of the extended family during the industrial revolution?
Many traditional cultures retain their women's culture. But we are much smarter, more civilized, more modern then they. Aren't we?

What did you learn from your mother , your grandmother, your aunties and cousin's, your female lineage?

What women's culture is not (although it could be)

Knitting circles
Coffee mornings
CWA
Alone keeping house
Mothering in isolation

What might it be, then?

I’m not advocating that we turn the clock back and deny all the successes of the (civilized) masculine world (!@$)

But women urgently need to find a way home, a way to nurture our essential selves to revitalize and regenerate, to relax, to feel known and understood, recognized and deeply honored, to regain our self worth, our sense of beauty and dignity no matter what age or shape our body’s form might be, to share and to hear and to learn from women’s story, her-story, myths and mysteries, to sing and to weave, to create and to give birth, to laugh and to dance, to grieve and to celebrate, to delight in our bodies sensual feeling nature, to recognize that here are a myriad of facets to the diamond of women’s culture and these jewels can only be gained in the company of other women.

What can we do?

Rome wasn’t built in a day

We can start by taking time out on a regular basis to connect deeply with other women.
I don’t mean a coffee and a chat about the kids or even a d&m with a girlfriend about our problems or our love life, although those are good things to do. I mean a space and time set aside (and with intention made sacred) for women to gather and nurture one another with touch, acknowledgment and loving reflection. A time for body oriented expression, dancing, massage, sensuality, rage and delight. A place where it is OK to be exactly who we are.

I have had the privilege of being part of such a group that has met weekly for the past four years. It is the well that I drink from that nourishes and revitalizes me and gives me the strength to carry on. I have felt sick when I arrived and left feeling well. It is the place that I can come happy or sad, ebullient or broken-hearted and I will be seen and loved and leave refreshed. It is place where every facet of my woman-self is welcome. It is my place, my women's culture.

I will write more about this and other things and if this blog could support women to start to reconnect with one another and themselves in this or any other way then I would be a very happy camper. That is my intention and my heartfelt wish. So may it be.