Online yOni mapping - isolation creativity generates a powerful new modality

Has someone ever given you a shoulder massage and your whole mood changed because they've relaxed muscles that you didn't even know were tense? It’s certainly happened to me! Most of us hold quite a lot of excess tension in our body. Often we don’t even realise this is happening until it gets so extreme that it causes pain or other imbalances. Which is why regular massages are a great self care strategy.

There’s one super important area of the body that your masseur will not go near. Actually this place very rarely gets physical touch outside of lovemaking. Our genitals! And our genitals also store tension. In fact even more than other areas, as they are such a key core area of our body and can be affected, often without us knowing it, by many aspects of life. 

Genital mapping 

In the past few years yOni massage or yOni mapping has become quite a popular therapy. Genital mapping for all genital areas including the anus, is one part of the skill set of a somatic sex educator. In my practice I offer two sessions that use this modality, Gentle Genital Tension Release and Pleasure Mapping. In both sessions I am supporting my client to explore and to connect really precisely with the range of different sensations present within their unique intimate terrain. The techniques we use are very similar, however the focus of our intent varies.

Enter the lockdown restrictions of our current worldwide pandemic!

And the wonder of the creativity that is fostered by restriction. 

Together with several of my colleagues I have been working on a genital mapping, or genital tension release offering that can be facilitated online. 

Remote yOni mapping is now a thing! And the results are proving to be highly effective!

Clients, are able to create a super safe space for themselves and to proceed at exactly the pace that feels right in that moment. I’m really excited because this is very potent work that can create a lot of change and offering it online makes it available to a many more people. 

What can you expect?

We meet together over Zoom and I will give you exact instructions about how to set up your space. There will be no nudity on camera. During the session I’ll just be seeing your face, or if you prefer you can turn off your video entirely and we will stay connected by voice. 

We may start by talking about anatomy and exploring some different types of touch. We will certainly discuss consent even though it will be your hands touching your body. It is such an important skill to connect in with yourself and feel exactly what feels appropriate for you in every situation. 

I will guide you through some practices to bring you fully present in your body and then we will start the mapping. Together we will create the map of the terrain in your body that you want to explore. I will guide you every step of the way but you will be in absolute control at all times.

The goal is to explore and experience exactly what is happening right now in your body. We use loving touch, breath and presence to discover the full range of sensations that are available to you. What do you feel in each particular spot? Is there tension, pleasure, pain, relaxation, numbness or delight? And how does it change when we give it loving attention and varying types of touch. 

What are the results?

The mapping process may sound deceptively simple but the effects are profound. After sessions clients have reported ‘heightened sensitivity’, feeling ‘really rejuvenated and energised’ and being ’in a very positive space’. I have witnessed someone release sadness from a past relationship that was blocking pleasure in their current one. And letting go of shame that had been buried for decades. As well as releasing physical tension and emotional holding the process also allows us to connect with and release cellular memory. The results include increased genital sensation and deeper connection with our natural sexual essence.

Mapping is a process that can’t be rushed. We need to allow plenty of time to explore each point we are drawn to. So I like to work with people for a minimum of three sessions. This gives allows us to work with anything that arises for you during and after the sessions. I often offer home practice suggestions that will enrich the journey. 

I am delighted to offer this work online, especially in these times of uncertainly and challenge. I feel it is incredibly valuable for us to be able to connect with the amazing power of our sexual energy and remove any obstacles present to relax into our true beauty, our naturalness.

If this work calls to you at all then you are invited to book a 20 minute, no-obligation chat in which we can explore the possibility further. Just send an email to consult@lauradoe.com and I’ll get right back to you. I look forward to hearing from you.

Photo by Rowan Chestnut on Unsplash

The Lost Squat

Over the past weeks I've been really enjoying refining the yOnilates program and preparing the teaching materials for the second cohort of teacher trainers. This sort of research and clarification is one of my favourite activities, and I’d like to share with you one of the gems that can really support pelvic wellness throughout life...
Squatting!
We just don’t do it enough any more.
For many folk, squatting is seen as undignified and uncomfortable. At best, we might undertake it during exercise class or yoga, but usually only a couple of times a week.
I’m going to suggest that you find a way to make squatting a part of daily life.

It’s not that unusual - in fact our bodies are absolutely designed to squat. Watch most toddlers and you’ll quickly see how they squat and stand up again with grace and ease. A huge proportion of the planet’s population squats daily, usually many times and for quite long periods. People squat to rest, to chat, to pray, to cook, to share a meal, to use the toilet and to give birth. It’s not that we can’t sit comfortably in a deep squat, it’s just that we’ve forgotten how.

Our failure to squat has important implications. It is a ‘use it or lose it’ situation. The synovial fluid that bathes all our joints is like the body’s oil that also provides nutrition to the cartilage. Movement and compression are essential for the production of synovial fluid, and, if a joint doesn’t go through its full range, the production reduces and eventually stops.

When we sit all the time rather than squatting, the hips and knees never go past 90 degrees and the degeneration starts.

For those of us interested in the wellbeing of our pelvic floor, the lost squat has further implications. When we squat, we also activate the many muscles connecting in to the pelvis. Strengthening your glutes and hamstrings will provide important support to the pelvic floor. The squat action also stretches and lengthens the pelvic floor itself. Many of the pelvic issues people experience are actually due to the pelvic floor being too tight, rather than too weak.

So squatting is really useful and it is a good idea to do more, but as movement expert, Katy Bowman, says, ‘If you haven’t squatted in the last million years (besides the two times you went camping and peed on your shoe), it’s going to take awhile to prepare your joints.’

Here are three starter exercises based on her excellent suggestions:

The calf stretch

Place the ball of one foot up on a rolled yoga mat or towel, or use a low block or a pilates half pipe. Keep your heel on the ground and feel the stretch in the back of your calf. To increase the stretch step forward with the opposite foot.

No-bow, bottom drop

From a hands and knees position (with lower legs and feet parallel & tracking straight back), drop the hips back as far as you can, without allowing the feet to move closer to each other, or allowing the tailbone to tuck under. Don’t sit back any farther if your tailbone tucks. Make sure you keep a lightly arched back. If your tailbone tucks, making your back bow backwards, come forward, re-lift your bum, and hang out in the position where you can still keep your back slightly arched.

Supported squat
Use the handles of an open door to lower yourself down into a squat whilst staying supported. Position yourself so your arms stretch out fully, and make sure your knees head down in line with your big toes.

Head over to Katy’s excellent blog for pictures of these exercises and additional tips. She will give you a better idea about your squat-ability, and get you on a safe and healthy path to full squatting.

If squats are already a doddle, then just make sure that your knees are heading out in line with your big toe, and resolve to find extra opportunities to incorporate squatting into your day.

Squat during ad breaks on the TV, when picking up stuff from the floor, or talking to small people. Squat occasionally rather than sitting to do a simple task, and, if you are up for it, you could even consider getting a little stool to put in front of your toilet to help you squat, rather than sit on ‘the throne'.

Happy squatting - and do let me know if you have any more ingenious ideas about when and where to incorporate more squatting into your life.

So what is a Somatic Sexologist exactly?

When I tell people I’m a somatic sexologist, they often look blank. Melody Wright’s article, linked below, does not discuss sex but it does describe elegantly the somatic practitioner’s understanding of how stress is stored in the body and how we work with people to support its release. It may help you to understand more about what I offer.

Many problems within our sexual life are due to trauma or distress from past experiences being triggered by what’s happening now. The events that may leave trauma in our body can range from the seemingly small to the clearly challenging. The body, and especially the sensitive tissues of the genitals, can close down or numb out after eg. a sexual encounter that went wrong leaving us feeling ashamed or inadequate, an uncomfortable experience of penetration that we suffered through rather than telling our partner to stop or maybe simply teasing or unwanted attention about our body shape or experiences of puberty. Events such as these can all cause tension and distress that is held in the bodies tissues as well as the more obviously traumatic experiences of non-consensual, inappropriate or unwanted sexual touch at any age. 

Somatic practitioners understand that these are responses that you can’t think your way out of. What we can help you to do is to re-train your body using practices that support you to deactivate the sympathetic response of stress in your nervous system and activate the parasympathetic, rest, digest and repair mechanism. 

A somatic sexologist can support you to understand how this stress plays out in your body during or around sexual experiences and to develop confidence in your ability to regulate this. We can help you to reverse these stored responses, heal past wounding and as Melody says, to ‘create a more embodied, joyful life’.

If any of this rings a chord with you and you’d like to find out more about how we might work together please pop an email to consult@lauradoe.com and tee up a confidential, no obligation chat. Location is no issue as I work via Skype with people all over the world.

Melody Wright's article - Stress - It's not in your head, it's in your nervous system

Wow! I won an award for my contribution to sexual freedom

I’m utterly thrilled and very very proud to have been honoured by my peers in the sexuality world with a very special award at the 22nd Sexual Freedom Awards in London last week.

I was so blown away to receive the award

The Sexual Freedom Awards, now in it's 22nd year, honours and celebrates pioneers in the field of sexuality and promotes excellence in erotic performance and sexual services. They were created by Tuppy Owens, a pioneering British sex therapist, writer and tireless campaigner for sexual rights especially for those with disability. Famous for their Golden Flying Penis Trophies, hand carved for the event in Bali this auspicious event was originally entitled the Erotic Oscars, then the Erotic Awards and now the Sexual Freedom Awards. The proceeds of the Awards ceremony are used to fund the work of the Outsiders Trust – a charity, which supports disabled people to find partners.

Tuppy set up the Awards to counter negative messages in the media about people working in sex and eroticism. She invited nominations for the Awards from the public, and, to judge the nominees, appointed a diverse panel of sexuality experts and enthusiasts that have included an art historian, a fan of striptease, a fetish club owner, a sex worker, and a writer.

My award amongst a very vulvic workshop altar

Being selected as a finalist in these awards is a glorious accolade and I was delighted to be in such an illustrious line up. Amongst those shortlisted were several of my esteemed colleagues and teachers: 

Ellen Heed is part of the teaching team for the Sexological Bodywork training and has developed an incredible body of work around scar tissue.

Barbara Carrellas is the founder of the Urban Tantra® Professional Training Program, and author of the the world’s first LGBTQ and kink inclusive Tantric sex book: Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty First Century.

Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., is the foremost teacher of erotic massage in the world. Founder of the Body Electric School, the Erospirit Research Institute and The New School of Erotic Touch he also created the profession of Sexological Bodywork and obtained accreditation for it from the State of California.  

Also in the list is the fabulous Deej Juventin who brought the Sexological Bodywork training to Australia and to the UK. Deej was one of the other finalists in the category of Somatic Sex Education of the Year. Which was why I attended the Awards evening, feeling confident I wouldn't actually win an award. 

Sister A was amazed at the goings on back stage!

I’d also been nominated as Performer of the Year, however, and although I couldn't be shortlisted in more than one category I was invited to do a performance of one of my ‘Vaudeville of the Vulva’ characters at the awards ceremony. Sister Augusta had great fun not taking her clothes off, discussing the "preponderance of penii" on the awards table and singing her rap number 'Finger on the Trigger'!

Imagine my surprise then, when the judges returned to the stage, after Deej’s award had been given, to announce the creation of a special award in recognition of someone who'd been nominated in four different categories. Yes - it was me! It appears I’d also been nominated as Pioneer of the Year and Activist of the Year and in recognition of the many and varied ways I work I gained the fabulous title of ‘Multitalented Contributor to Sexual Freedom’. 

It's very very good feeling and I want to send out a big Thank You, especially to Anando Bharti, Andrew Cox and my mum, and indeed to all of the awesome people who support me in so many ways to do what I love to do.

Wanna know what’s getting me all excited these days?

The Obturator Internus

Why? It’s a very sexy muscle! The obturator internus is intimately connected with the fascia of the pelvic floor but is rarely discussed in relation to pleasure, or lack of it. Getting connected with your ‘ob in’ can help in resolving a variety of challenges in the base of the body, involving both urinary function and the ability to feel the sensations of pleasure and arousal.

 The Obturator Internus looking at the body from the back

The obturator internus is one of the ‘deep six’, six muscles in your pelvis that work together to turn your hip to the side. It hangs out under your gluteus maximus, the large muscle of your butt. It’s actually quite small but it’s pretty cool and unusual, not least because it’s shaped like a boomerang. On each side of the body it attaches along the inside of your pelvis (check out the diagram), then pops around to the outside and takes almost a 90 degree turn to wrap around the sits bone and attach at the top of your thigh bone. It’s an external rotator. When a ballet dancer’s feet, knees and thighs are all turned out into first position, the obturator internus is at the heart of the action. When your ‘ob in’ engages it opens the front half of your pelvis and closes the back. It’s friend, the obturator externus, is an internal rotator and does the opposite job.

But if your obturator internus holds a ton of unconscious tension this can play a big part in both urinary problems and problems with arousal, potentially cutting off nerve supply to the plethora of pleasure organs of the pelvic floor. (If you feel like plethora is a bit of an over statement then I highly recommend that you watch my DVD The Art & Science of Female Arousal)

The really good news is that we can learn to make a deep and meaningful connection with the good old ‘ob in’ and soothe and stretch it, open and relax it or tone and titillate it as required. And once it’s feeling good, then honey, you are feeling good!

Connecting with and stretching the ‘ob in’

It’s not so easy to get in touch with this muscle by understanding where it sits in the body because of it’s positioning and it’s unusual shape. For most people the joy is in finding it and feeling the difference when you connect, stretch & tone. In this video Christa Rypins, does an excellent job of showing us how to do just that. Check it out and have a go!

Add tone but not tension

In my yOnilates® classes, once we have connected with and stretched the ‘ob in’ we also do some strengthening exercises. Please stay aware that this muscle wants to be toned but not too tight. In addition to the challenges mentioned earlier, an overly tight obturator interns can pull your pelvis too far forward, straining your lower back, and predisposing you to arthritic changes in your pelvis and hips. If you are experiencing pelvic floor related problems then you probably only want to stretch and relax the muscle.

If you try the strengthening exercise please monitor the level of tightness, and stop and go back to Chrysta’s video if you experience any pain or discomfort in your pelvis, lower back or groin.

Strengthening the ‘ob in’ 

One way you can exercise your ‘ob in’ by sitting in a chair and placing your feet flat on the floor in front of you, hip-width apart. Bend your knees to 90 degrees and place your hands on the outside of each knee. Push in with your hands, pressing as if to push your knees together. Counteract the pressure by pushing out with your knees  to keep them hip-width apart. Hold for five seconds and then breathe deeply down to the area you’ve located the muscle to be and feel for the relaxation. Repeat eight times as long as there is no pain.

Want more?

If you are still trying to get your head around where this muscle sits in the body, here’s another cool site that shows the ‘ob in’ in 3D.
And to find out more about the magnificent muscles of our pelvic floor and how to connect with this amazing area of the body then come visit my yOniversity site where you can join my mailing list and check out my yOnilates programme.

Pleasure as a productivity tool

A breakfast talk for the Bangalow Business Women's Network Breakfast - 10 May 2012

Did you know it has been scientifically proven that pleasure can relieve stress, reduce pain and boost your immune system? Rather than being something to look forward to outside of working hours, little pleasure breaks through the day can boost motivation, increase productivity and create an environment for creative inspiration. Full of feel good facts and pleasurable possibilities, this presentation will give you some of the latest research on the topic of pleasure as well as a smorgasbord of delicious, non-fattening tips for boosting your daily pleasure quotient.

I’m the bearer of good news - feeling good is good for you!

Pleasure can be considered selfish, greedy, or hedonistic, but if we want to be healthy it is in our very best interests to make pleasure a priority. 

To understand why this is so we need to discover more about how our bodies function and how stress affects us. Three hormones share credit (or blame) for most of the changes caused by stress, cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline. How the body releases these explains why we can't be stressed and happily content at same time.

Our autonomic nervous system controls the heart, the smooth muscles around our organs, and our glands. Its function is involuntary - we have no conscious control. The two branches of the autonomic nervous system send messages to and from the brain using entirely different paths - called Sympathetic and Parasympathetic. These two branches cause the release of very different chemicals governing different and opposing physiological & emotional states.

Sympathetic is the fight or flight system - it up-regulates the body to prepare it fight or to flee to safety when in danger. The Parasympathetic nervous system down-regulates the body to return it to the ability to rest & repair. These pathways calm the heart rate, lower blood pressure, support digestion etc.

Under normal conditions, the body swings back and forth between sympathetic and parasympathetic dominance all day long, in cycles called ultradian rhythms. But today's overstimulated lifestyles lead to chronic stress - we tend to be a bit addicted to sympathetic dominance. Caffeine, media, cell-phones, busy lifestyles and computers all up-regulate us. Our bodies forget about down-regulation and this is the beginning of the disease process. 

Stress has been known to cause disease since Hans Selye's groundbreaking research in the mid 1900s. 80% or more of diseases have been shown to be stress related.

Women who work produce twice as much cortisol as men do. We particularly need to create a way of working that allows our bodies periods of down-regulating, cortisol reducing parasympathetic time.

So how do we activate our parasympathetic nervous system? 

You guessed it - pleasure!

Every experience of pleasure activates your immune system, providing a measurable and enduring boost to your body's natural defenses. A single moment of pleasure can boost your immune response for up to 6 hours. 

Pleasure does not just happen to us - we must actively choose to cultivate pleasure in our lives and in our relationships.  

What can we do to inject more pleasure into our days?

Laugh

The act of laughter instantly lowers blood pressure for hypertensive persons, stimulates the brain, expands and enriches the blood vessels with oxygen, and sends more blood racing to the extremities. It reduces the levels of stress hormones adrenaline & cortisol in the body. It increases the happiness hormone oxytocin and triggers a spike in immune-boosting antibodies. Sustained laughter gradually increases the levels of cytokine in the blood – a white blood cell enhancer which builds antibodies and helps prevent illnesses.

Laughter is a form of stationery jogging - it has thesame health benefits as vigorous aerobic exercise stimulating the heart and blood circulation. 

Twenty seconds of heavy laughter is equal to 3 minutes of hard rowing and burns up to 400 calories per hour!

A daily dose of laughter exercises 15 different facial muscles is anti-ageing and beats any anti-oxidant pill on the market!

The great thing about laughter is that you don't even have to find something funny to laugh at!! Laughter meditation is a worldwide movement.

Tip 1  - take regular laughter breaks! Have joke books in the workplace, follow funny people on facebook, tune in to comedians on youtube or simply do a 10 minute laughter meditation.

Breath is our best tool to regulate the nervous system.

Deep long out breaths with a sigh encourage the movement of the smooth muscles in the body, aiding in digestion and lowers blood pressure. 

Tip 2 - Smell the roses, use aromatherapy, look at beautiful images - inhale and enjoy the view - visualise breathing in delight and exhaling stress 

We tend to operate in one of three channels cognitive, physical and emotional. When you are taking a break, it’s important to change channel. 

Music helps us change to an emotional channel

David, lacking access to Prozac played harp to alleviate King Sauls depression. 

It’s no accident that Apollo was the god of music and medicine. 

The levels of IgA - one of the frontline defenses of the immune system were measured in the saliva of a group of people who listened to a short piece of music and in a control group. The music listeners levels spiked and then stayed higher for several hours compared to those who sat in silence.

Tip 3 -  Enjoy music breaks

Pleasurable touch alleviates depression. If you are feeling depressed, and are touched or cuddled, your blood chemistry can change in as little as one millionth of a second. The brain instantly responds to pleasurable touch with a flood of endorphins.

Pleasurable touch makes you feel loved. Feeling loved and emotionally secure is essential for the overall health of mammals. Study after study shows that emotional bonds and physical contact allow mammals to thrive. Studies with infants have shown that touch and love are biological needs on par with food and water. 

Tip 4 - Touch yourself or others or pets or soft cuddly toys! - Put your pet on your screen saver or have a picture on the desk - Ask for hugs.

Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles!

Some researchers maintain that pelvic floor fitness is essential for a woman's life long physical, sexual and emotional health. It is a fun and easy and valuable exercise that you can do wherever you are.

Victoria Vulva give you instructions in this clip from Laura-Doe’s Vaudeville of the Vulva 

or visit www.dothekegel.com for more tips on the topic and to get your copy of the squeeze-along song ‘Do the Kegel’!

Tip 6 - Kegel when you are talking on the phone, in the bank queue, on the bus ... you can even Kegel when you Google!

Neuroplasticity refers to the idea that the brain is capable of changing in response to experience and training. Wellbeing and happiness are skills that can be cultivated.

If you’d like to explore pleasure and your relationship with it further, then come along to a yOniversity pleasure workshop or download or purchase my DVD The Art & Science of Female Arousal 

Links & resources

Ultradian Rhythms & Producivity

http://lateralaction.com/articles/productivity-ultradian-rhythms/

Our Emotional Brain (radio program)

http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/our-emotional-brain-6th-may/3985474

Feeling Good Is Good for You: How Pleasure Can Boost Your Immune System and Lengthen Your Life by Carl J. Charnetski & Francis X. Brennan 

Neuroplasticity - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200806/neuroplasticity-the-revolution-in-neuroscience-and-psychology-part-i

Do the Kegel www.dothekegel.com

The yOniversity - www.yoniversity.com.au

The Art & Science of Female Arousal