Online yOni mapping - isolation creativity generates a powerful new modality

Has someone ever given you a shoulder massage and your whole mood changed because they've relaxed muscles that you didn't even know were tense? It’s certainly happened to me! Most of us hold quite a lot of excess tension in our body. Often we don’t even realise this is happening until it gets so extreme that it causes pain or other imbalances. Which is why regular massages are a great self care strategy.

There’s one super important area of the body that your masseur will not go near. Actually this place very rarely gets physical touch outside of lovemaking. Our genitals! And our genitals also store tension. In fact even more than other areas, as they are such a key core area of our body and can be affected, often without us knowing it, by many aspects of life. 

Genital mapping 

In the past few years yOni massage or yOni mapping has become quite a popular therapy. Genital mapping for all genital areas including the anus, is one part of the skill set of a somatic sex educator. In my practice I offer two sessions that use this modality, Gentle Genital Tension Release and Pleasure Mapping. In both sessions I am supporting my client to explore and to connect really precisely with the range of different sensations present within their unique intimate terrain. The techniques we use are very similar, however the focus of our intent varies.

Enter the lockdown restrictions of our current worldwide pandemic!

And the wonder of the creativity that is fostered by restriction. 

Together with several of my colleagues I have been working on a genital mapping, or genital tension release offering that can be facilitated online. 

Remote yOni mapping is now a thing! And the results are proving to be highly effective!

Clients, are able to create a super safe space for themselves and to proceed at exactly the pace that feels right in that moment. I’m really excited because this is very potent work that can create a lot of change and offering it online makes it available to a many more people. 

What can you expect?

We meet together over Zoom and I will give you exact instructions about how to set up your space. There will be no nudity on camera. During the session I’ll just be seeing your face, or if you prefer you can turn off your video entirely and we will stay connected by voice. 

We may start by talking about anatomy and exploring some different types of touch. We will certainly discuss consent even though it will be your hands touching your body. It is such an important skill to connect in with yourself and feel exactly what feels appropriate for you in every situation. 

I will guide you through some practices to bring you fully present in your body and then we will start the mapping. Together we will create the map of the terrain in your body that you want to explore. I will guide you every step of the way but you will be in absolute control at all times.

The goal is to explore and experience exactly what is happening right now in your body. We use loving touch, breath and presence to discover the full range of sensations that are available to you. What do you feel in each particular spot? Is there tension, pleasure, pain, relaxation, numbness or delight? And how does it change when we give it loving attention and varying types of touch. 

What are the results?

The mapping process may sound deceptively simple but the effects are profound. After sessions clients have reported ‘heightened sensitivity’, feeling ‘really rejuvenated and energised’ and being ’in a very positive space’. I have witnessed someone release sadness from a past relationship that was blocking pleasure in their current one. And letting go of shame that had been buried for decades. As well as releasing physical tension and emotional holding the process also allows us to connect with and release cellular memory. The results include increased genital sensation and deeper connection with our natural sexual essence.

Mapping is a process that can’t be rushed. We need to allow plenty of time to explore each point we are drawn to. So I like to work with people for a minimum of three sessions. This gives allows us to work with anything that arises for you during and after the sessions. I often offer home practice suggestions that will enrich the journey. 

I am delighted to offer this work online, especially in these times of uncertainly and challenge. I feel it is incredibly valuable for us to be able to connect with the amazing power of our sexual energy and remove any obstacles present to relax into our true beauty, our naturalness.

If this work calls to you at all then you are invited to book a 20 minute, no-obligation chat in which we can explore the possibility further. Just send an email to consult@lauradoe.com and I’ll get right back to you. I look forward to hearing from you.

Photo by Rowan Chestnut on Unsplash

Wanna know what’s getting me all excited these days?

The Obturator Internus

Why? It’s a very sexy muscle! The obturator internus is intimately connected with the fascia of the pelvic floor but is rarely discussed in relation to pleasure, or lack of it. Getting connected with your ‘ob in’ can help in resolving a variety of challenges in the base of the body, involving both urinary function and the ability to feel the sensations of pleasure and arousal.

 The Obturator Internus looking at the body from the back

The obturator internus is one of the ‘deep six’, six muscles in your pelvis that work together to turn your hip to the side. It hangs out under your gluteus maximus, the large muscle of your butt. It’s actually quite small but it’s pretty cool and unusual, not least because it’s shaped like a boomerang. On each side of the body it attaches along the inside of your pelvis (check out the diagram), then pops around to the outside and takes almost a 90 degree turn to wrap around the sits bone and attach at the top of your thigh bone. It’s an external rotator. When a ballet dancer’s feet, knees and thighs are all turned out into first position, the obturator internus is at the heart of the action. When your ‘ob in’ engages it opens the front half of your pelvis and closes the back. It’s friend, the obturator externus, is an internal rotator and does the opposite job.

But if your obturator internus holds a ton of unconscious tension this can play a big part in both urinary problems and problems with arousal, potentially cutting off nerve supply to the plethora of pleasure organs of the pelvic floor. (If you feel like plethora is a bit of an over statement then I highly recommend that you watch my DVD The Art & Science of Female Arousal)

The really good news is that we can learn to make a deep and meaningful connection with the good old ‘ob in’ and soothe and stretch it, open and relax it or tone and titillate it as required. And once it’s feeling good, then honey, you are feeling good!

Connecting with and stretching the ‘ob in’

It’s not so easy to get in touch with this muscle by understanding where it sits in the body because of it’s positioning and it’s unusual shape. For most people the joy is in finding it and feeling the difference when you connect, stretch & tone. In this video Christa Rypins, does an excellent job of showing us how to do just that. Check it out and have a go!

Add tone but not tension

In my yOnilates® classes, once we have connected with and stretched the ‘ob in’ we also do some strengthening exercises. Please stay aware that this muscle wants to be toned but not too tight. In addition to the challenges mentioned earlier, an overly tight obturator interns can pull your pelvis too far forward, straining your lower back, and predisposing you to arthritic changes in your pelvis and hips. If you are experiencing pelvic floor related problems then you probably only want to stretch and relax the muscle.

If you try the strengthening exercise please monitor the level of tightness, and stop and go back to Chrysta’s video if you experience any pain or discomfort in your pelvis, lower back or groin.

Strengthening the ‘ob in’ 

One way you can exercise your ‘ob in’ by sitting in a chair and placing your feet flat on the floor in front of you, hip-width apart. Bend your knees to 90 degrees and place your hands on the outside of each knee. Push in with your hands, pressing as if to push your knees together. Counteract the pressure by pushing out with your knees  to keep them hip-width apart. Hold for five seconds and then breathe deeply down to the area you’ve located the muscle to be and feel for the relaxation. Repeat eight times as long as there is no pain.

Want more?

If you are still trying to get your head around where this muscle sits in the body, here’s another cool site that shows the ‘ob in’ in 3D.
And to find out more about the magnificent muscles of our pelvic floor and how to connect with this amazing area of the body then come visit my yOniversity site where you can join my mailing list and check out my yOnilates programme.

The Adventures of a Vulvalicious Cushion (or Vere's Vulva?)

Earlier this year my fabulous sex geek colleagues Deej and Uma of the Institute of Somatic Sexology took off on their world tour to facilitate the Sexological Bodywork training in the UK as well as educating folks in a few other places en route. Part of their 'must have' training equipment was a Mini Vulvalicious Cushion (code name Vere). The Absolutely Vulvalicious Cushions are anatomically accurate fabric art works, designed by yours truly and constructed by amazing Maggie. Using the latest anatomy research they demonstrate the elegant, intricate, but poorly understood arousal structures within a vulva owners pelvis. 

In this video you can see some exhibition visitors exploring the delights of the cushions on show at Celebration of the Female Form. 

Designed to travel, Vere is a Mini Vulvalicious, little sister to the Absolutelys, but absolutely equipped with the important bits. She's got a taste for adventure and ends up in some interesting places. Check out her world tour!

Deej, Uma, Vere and yours truly at the send off party

On the plane - ready for takeoff

Checking into the Dusit Thani in Bangkok with her entourage. She's always wanted to stay there!

At the food market off Silom - she lives for this!

And onwards towards London - Bangkok was fun. Now for some culture?

Colour co-ordinated with a lovely London bus

Shopping? Look what the new season has brought to Harrods

Hanging out with the boys!

Hanging out with the girls!

So that's what the ugly duckling turned into?

Tea for two in Hyde Park

Vere's vulva?

Nice colours!

Packing for the Embodiment Intensive

Breakfast with Sexological Bodywork Godfather, Joseph Kramer

Meeting old friends

Making new friends 

With her people

Vere's vulva now? 

As of 16/8/14 Deej is still offering a Certified Sex Geek t-shirt to the first to find her it.

Tired but thoroughly embodied - heading back to London

Instead of deciding who to go with - OMG - she's cloned herself! 

Oo la la! Quelle rivière belle.

And a fairly hefty phallic symbol!

Our Vulvalicious Lady

Friend is 'ami' in French

And 'amic' in Catalan

Relaxing in Barcelona

A bit of unfinished business

 And finally, back home in Brisbane, in the 'bosom' of her family.

Find out more about the Vulvalicious cushions at The yOniversity website. You can meet and connect with them by attending one of our workshops or you might like to join the Vulva Underground and get your very own here

Looking at libido myths

I saw a discussion on Facebook today in which vulva cancer survivor and unstoppable gynae awareness advocate, Kath Mazalla, posted about a radio show she had listened to.  In this program, men, she reported, were saying that they had more urges than women, and women are becoming more accepting of husbands/partners having affairs in order to keep their man happy. Kath questioned whether most women would accept this.

What I question is the first suggestion that men have 'more urges than women'.
To start with it simply doesn't make sense to me, on an evolutionary level, that the gender responsible for growing the next generation in their bellies would be distinctly 'ho hum' about the act that starts the whole process. Did nature decide to rely on 'male urges' in combination with the masculine's generally superior strength to propagate our species?
I don't think so!

I believe that during centuries of male dominated society, we in the minority ('western') world, have been sold this myth. And many of us have come to believe it.

Prior to the 18th century it was thought that both the man and the woman needed to achieve orgasm for conception to take place. Once scientists discovered this was not the case interest in accurate education about feminine sexual pleasure dwindled dramatically. It has been suggested that information about women's arousal anatomy has been systematically removed from medical textbooks after this time. Women's natural urges have certainly been socially, morally and spiritually condemned, with those who enjoy sex becoming branded as whores and the only really acceptable archetype's available being the chaste maiden or devoted (and asexual) mother

However there are numerous countries in Africa and many Muslim communities who consider a woman’s sex drive to be extremely powerful. So powerful in fact that young girls genitals are quite literally cut out to preserve their moral values. Female Genital Mutilation affects an estimated 140 million women worldwide. It describes a range of practices in which all or part of a girls vulva is cut, sewn or removed. Fran Hosken's ground breaking report on FGM was published in 1979 and was influential in persuading the World Health Organization, to make efforts to end the practice. She reports that FGM is said to 'protect a women against her over sexed nature, saving her from temptation, suspicion and disgrace while preserving her chastity'. For these people a woman's 'urges' are considered to be so intense, both for her and for her community, that they must be extremely controlled.

And now lets look back at European history.
During the systematic persecution and execution of 'witches' in the Middle Ages chief inquisitor Heinrich Kramer wrote his notorious Malleus Maleficarum which became a handbook for secular courts throughout Renaissance Europe. In Section 1 he says "all witchcraft comes from carnal lust which is in women insatiable".
Insatiable, huh!
So why is it that we believe that men 'have more urges than women'? In part, possibly, because so many of our ancestors who dared to delight in their natural expressions of pleasure were burnt at the stake.

And now the pharmaceutical companies have jumped in on the act, where the church left off. They have created a medical 'disorder' called Female Sexual Dysfunction in order to attempt to repeat the unprecedented financial success of Viagra.
Viagra, the first oral treatment for erectile dysfunction was developed accidentally by scientists at Pfizer Laboratories and was greenlighted for use by the FDA on March 27, 1998. It was a huge success and has made billions of dollars for the company.
In that very same year, sex experts came together at the pharmaceutical industry-funded International Consensus Development Conference of Female Sexual Dysfunction to craft a new classification system. Because, guess what, unless you have a dysfunction, you can sell a cure.

In my practice I find that many women's issues around lack of desire and enjoyment of sex simply arise from lack of understanding of our arousal needs and how they differ from men's. This simple lack of knowledge in both partners has resulted in uncomfortable intercourse, before a woman is fully ready, which, over time, becomes extremely disheartening and quite literally numbs a woman's capacity for sensation. And with nowhere to go for information (other than internet porn which portrays a limited and unrealistic view of female sexuality) many women just give up and resign themselves to believing the myth.

What I believe we need is to lift the taboos, so that sex can be discussed, to educate openly and accurately and to support women to rediscover our natural, delightful, healing & empowering capacity for pleasure.
This is my mission and my passion. If it interests you please check out my new DVD -The Art & Science of Female Arousal or visit my teaching website or FB page to find out more.